"If you were my friend, I would encourage you to try and keep your family together. If your affair was just a fling, put it behind you. Try to remember what you once loved about your husband. Do things together that you both enjoy doing and have some fun as a family.
Having said that, when I found myself in the same situation, I tried all these remedies and they didn't work. I admitted to an affair, and my husband, like yours, was desperate to avoid divorce. His first wife had left him several years earlier, taking their young child with her, and he was absolutely determined not to let it happen to him again.
Despite his desperation to make our marriage work, my husband was unwilling to discuss our problems. He would not listen when I tried to explain the feelings that had led me to have the affair, and he refused to come with me to see a relationship counsellor. He became more and more cold and critical of me, and I felt increasingly lonely. I was alarmed to find myself even considering suicide as a solution.
When my eldest son, then aged ten, became seriously depressed, my doctor concluded
that our unhappy marriage was the cause. Suddenly, I found the courage to leave. Fifteen years later, my ex-husband and I still live near each other, and we are polite and friendly. Our four children have grown into confident, happy and successful adults, and I have never regretted my decision to leave."