HOW TO MAKE HIM HAVE CHILDREN
"Sometimes, if someone doesn't want a baby," says Denise Knowles of Relate, "it says more about the relationship than about the issue of having children. I once counselled a couple where she wanted a baby and he didn't. They couldn't agree, and eventually split up. Shortly afterwards, she met someone new and soon was pregnant with his child. Then her ex met someone who already had a child and, within a very short space of time, the new girlfriend had a baby with him. Sometimes not wanting a baby is because you don't want a baby with that particular person."
"You need to find out what the resistance is about," says Phillip Hodson, of BACP. "I once counselled
a man who didn't want to be a father because he thought it would mean he would get old, he wouldn't be Jack the Lad any more, and he had horrendous memories of his own father. He thought he'd be crap at the job. Emotionally speaking, these were good reasons for not wanting a baby, and they were issues we could explore."
However passionately you feel, try to put yourself in his shoes. As communication coach Juliet Erickson says in her book, The Art Of Persuasion, "Always think, 'What's in it for them?'"
At the same time, prepare yourself for the fact that this issue can mean crunch time. If you want a baby and your partner doesn't, he needs to realise the implications of his decision. As Phillip Hodson says, "You would probably need to say something along the lines of, 'I'm not going to go through my life not having children, and you need to realise this. If I can't get you to make a realistic commitment within a time frame that is medically possible, we don't have a future. Is that what you want?'"
The world's oldest father is still producing children at 90. If your partner is dragging his feet, remind him, very gently, that women don't work that way.
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